Sooo, I was ill some weeks back and I couldn’t teach on Sunday. I couldn’t even attend Church not to talk of teaching even though I have always tried to teach every Sunday I was supposed to teach.
I have always tried to be consistent because I didn’t want to miss teaching the students in my class because I have come to love teaching and also because the class started from scratch. I remember the time when the numbers were few at the beginning and how it started growing little by little by God’s grace.
However, I also put in effort because for some reason I have always had it at the back of my mind that the people in my class would go to another class if I missed teaching them on any Sunday and I would never see them again.
I guess I somehow always felt inadequate or not a good enough teacher. I always felt like if they “tested” another teacher that they would prefer him or her to me and I would have no students left. Now, I had no valid reason, feedback or complaints that made me think that except that little voice inside of us that tells us we aren’t good enough.
So there was I teaching for almost eighteen months consistently. And even though the one Sunday I taught another class, some of them still came looking for me in that class still didn’t console me or give me confidence. Some part of me still always felt not good enough, like I wasn’t a good enough teacher or that they only stayed with me out of sentiment .
But that Sunday I could not have taught if I tried. As in I woke up and realised I was going to miss Sunday service for the first time in ages.
Teaching my usual crew the following Sunday made me realize my fears were groundless ( they showed up and were like what happened to you lol) got me thinking about that thing inside of us that makes us think we aren’t good enough and how it robs us of our confidence and peace of mind.
That voice that make us keep struggling for peoples loyalty or love because a part of us thinks we need to be better, do better, talk better, act better, act a certain way or talk a certain way, act differently because we aren’t good enough.
The truth is that we are good enough. Even if no one had showed up in my class, I am good enough. And I guess I need to say it to myself more often. If no one showed up that’s on them, not on me. And while feedback is good in teaching, I am still me, daughter of Zion, apple of Gods eye, loved by her God and good enough.
If I am good enough for God, if we are good enough to be called God’s creation and created in his own image, then we are perfect. We are good enough.
I remember dating a doctor guy who always had a way of making me feel I had to strive for his attention. Like I wasn’t good enough, when he was the one that wasn’t good enough for me. Yes oh. I wonder why I never realized that he had the problem. Not me. Granted he was a fine boy but me-sef I be fine girl 😉. And even if I no fine sef, he was lucky to have me in his life, I was freaking awesome and he didn’t deserve half of the time I gave him.
This post is for you ( yes you) with that friend, guy, that family, that boss, those siblings that make you feel you aren’t good enough, that you need to change yourself in some way : Be different, beautiful, accomplished, sin, dress a certain way, have certain grades, be someone else, work harder to be worthy of their affection, compliments, time, love or pat on the shoulder.
They will continue to do so until you realize you are good enough. You are absolutely perfect. You are awesome.
Yes we should aim to be better but if you have to change or make any changes, whether internal or external, change for yourself or because of higher godly standards . Not because anyone says you aren’t good enough. Because you are. I repeat, you are awesome 😍.