Hi guys! so today we are talking about relationships. Specifically if it matters if your future in-laws dislike or hate you, or disapprove of the impending union for one reason or the other. Sometimes the reason is valid ( to them) but sometimes they just don’t like you for very petty or unreasonable reasons. And by in-laws I mean the whole gang, the parents, and siblings.
Let’s look at this scenario.
K has been dating S for years, they love each other so much. And now it’s time to get formally introduced to the family. However, her parents are kicking vehemently against the union.
The dislike isnt news to either of them, they just assumed (wrongly) that when S mentioned ” marriage” the parents would come around and take ” S” like their own child. They have tried everything in the book to get them to like or at least accept S but they have refused to budge. They have another guy in mind for their daughter, D the son of a family friend who they think is so much more suitable.
K loves S, but this little issue of her parents disliking him is beginning to get to him. Suddenly his visions of happily ever after, and watching the sun set together is threatened by her parents.
At first he thought he could cope, after all they didn’t have to live together with her parents, but his parents are also starting to hesitate. He can’t blame them, the muddy water poured on them the last time they visited S’s parents to try to convince them is not easily forgettable. Neither are the insults of gold digging reigned upon both son and parents .
Now if the question was about S getting parental approval, looking at it from a biblical standpoint, I probably know what my answer will be, but we are looking at it from K’s angle, bearing in mind that it is also an African setting. We all know how you marry not just the man, but his family.
Questions you need to ask yourself if you know your future in-laws dislike or hate you
1) ” Is it worth it? “
Yep! The World makes it seem like ” Love can conquer everything” but they lie. He or she may be madly in love with you now but do not underestimate the bond between family members. Especially that of mother and child. I have had cause to hear stories of women whose mother in laws hated them before their marriages, and did not stop that hatred till they died. Beloved! when your future or present in-laws dislike or hate you, It can eventually lead to separation or divorce.
That realization stopped me in my tracks once. To go through marriage on tenterhooks amidst criticism and disapproval till death did not seem like a good plan. I realized that she was never going to like me. Never. And it was dangerous to go into marriage with the son of a woman who did NOT like me. I don’t want to say “hated”, in case he read this, but that’s actually what it was.
You have to also realize that if they don’t like you, that dislike can spread over to any kids you have. Are you prepared to answer your kids when they ask why Grandpa doesn’t like them?
I don’t know if your answer to my question is yes? But for me, it was a big NO.
2) ” Is this just a minor disapproval or a strong hatred”?
It is pretty common for some future in-laws not to take an immediate likening to a new person joining their family, however sooner or later, they ease up and welcome you with open arms. It’s important to pinpoint the reasons why your future in-laws dislike or hate you so as to know the likelihood of your future in-laws getting over that disapproval. Is it just a case of ” he is not good enough for their baby girl” or a case of ” Over their dead body will he marry my Son”. My dear reader, if it’s the latter case, please move forward.
3)” What is God saying”?
This is the most important question. See! God knows the future and the past. He created them, and he created man. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:1 that God can change the heart of a king. So what’s one pesky in-law to God if it is his will?
You need to talk to God and ask him what his will is. Sometimes, that disapproval is God’s way of telling you the relationship or intending marriage isn’t his will.
You therefore have to be spiritually conscious and ask God for go ahead. He will tell you why this has occurred and what to do. Be assured that if your future in-laws dislike or hate you, and God says go ahead, then he will sort things out. Just be sure that God is speaking and not the idol in your heart oh.
Seek godly counsel.
I talked to my mum and at a point, after countless prayers my pastor warned me not to go ahead. My mum also concurred. You can’t blame her, her sister had just died after her mother in law who hated her and knew she was ill, frustrated and manhandled her.
This is just to be sure that your future in-laws reaction isn’t a counter reaction to your own behavior. Maybe they perceive you as rude or proud, lazy or racist. It’s important to know if you contributed to their disapproval so that you can work on the past misconception.
Now, your turn. Have you ever been in a situation where the future in-laws disliked you? How did you go about it? Do you know someone who went through with it? How are they doing now?
Whats your take? Fight it through or Let go?