How to handle disappointment by a spiritual mentor

As Christians or even as individuals we have people we admire and look up to. At least I know I do. And quite a lot of them.

People who seem to have it all together, focused and disciplined, seemingly committed people who are good at what they do , and they can do no wrong in our eyes.
We love them and secretly wish to be like them, and we regularly tout them as ideal models.
They could be pastors, motivational speakers, leaders in the church, group coordinators etc.

But what happens when they disappoint us and we are forced to realise they are only human like us.

For instance , suddenly, you read about or heard of them messing up in a big way. You may even have encountered it personally.  And it broke your heart.
Probably  it turned out that the revered Pastor Z has been sleeping with a married member of the church, or was indicted for dipping his hands in church funds indiscriminately and without permission.

It could even be more sordid, that pastor’s wife you love so much may have tried to seduce someone you know or even you yourself.

That priest may have abused you sexually or attempted to, or you pass by a brothel and see your prayer warrior leader flirting amorously with a woman. And I tell you, the feeling can be like a dart right in the heart. At that point you struggle with disbelief, then anger and disappointment.
Here is how to deal with any shock, disappointment, fear ( it’s possible you start feeling afraid and thinking ” if he or she could fall” then what hope did the rest of us have ” or any other emotion.



This is the first step. You have to realise that they are human, therefore imperfect. They are liable fall into temptation just like any other person. They have their weak points.


It is dangerous to have high expectations of any human who has flesh and blood flowing in his or her veins. They are not God, they aren’t perfect. Simply put, they can mess up anytime.

Now is not the time to judge, condemn or feel morally superior.

Put your hope and trust in God instead. He is the only one that can NEVER fail.


“It’s normal to be shocked, angry, and disappointed when someone you put on a high pedestal falls from such a pedestal. “

Especially if you looked up to such a person and had a connection to that person.  Many of us have preachers and writers, even bloggers who we have never met, but we know everything about them and they have impacted us so much.

As I said in number one, they aren’t God, so they cannot be perfect irrespective of the gifts or anointing they have.


It is especially important to forgive them and let go of whatever feelings of resentment and distrust their act may have inspired in you. If God has forgiven them ( assuming that they asked for it) who are you to hold on to bitterness and unforgiveness.


It is human nature to want to castigate, mock, gossip and ridicule such esteemed mentors or leaders when they fall. Try and rise above all that.

Do not avoid them or castigate them openly. Now is the time to show that Christian charity you have always heard about. If you have the opportunity, talk with them and show them love.


(If it’s a criminal offense, pls report them to the authorities 0r church disciplinary committee ).


Believe me when I say that they need your prayers now more than ever. For them to have messed up, irrespective of what they may have done to you or anyone else, it shows that something is wrong , and you have to pray for them that they find their way back to God.


Finally, Build your faith so that you don’t lose it.

A lot of people have lost their faith and left the church because they just could not fathom how such a thing could happen, how a supposed man of God or leader person could do such a thing, or why God could allow it. It is not uncommon to think that if “so so and so person could fail, then what chance do I have “.

Beloved, now is the time to dig deep into the Word of God for faith and reassurance, now is the time to talk to God about your feelings, now is the time to remember the depth of God’s love for you.

If you are overwhelmed , please find a good non judgemental Christian or counsellor to talk to about your feelings.

Lets talk. Have you ever experienced something similar? How did you handle it? What do you have to say about the post?

Let us know in the comment section, and don’t forget to share.

You can follow me on Twitter @ sisterbisi.

If you need to talk to someone, feel free to send me an email.

Thank you for reading.


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  • Reply
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    November 11, 2016 at 12:55 am

    […] How to cope when a pastor or leader you look up to disappoints you […]

  • Reply
    November 12, 2016 at 1:49 am

    Sister Bisi (I love that name!), it really helps to have faith like you said. We should know God for ourselves and believe totally in Him. That way, when some leaders mess up in the church, our faith may be shaken but we keep looking to Him because He is so holy and perfect.
    Your blog is lovely!

    • Reply
      November 12, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      Awwwww. You are so sweet. And if I haven’t told you before, your blog is an inspiration in more ways that more. I would never have dared tried if it wasn’t for you.
      Love you a lot dear.
      My dear! Leaders messing up since 1800. It’s a human thing, I think. May God help us all.
      Awwww. Thanks. Of course you know how I feel about your blog by now.

  • Reply
    Live In Ibadan
    November 13, 2016 at 9:54 pm

    Hmmm… many people have given up their faith because of spiritual heads been heady but then your post just gave every reason why such individuals should get even stronger with God. Number one reason is truly ultimate. Very lovely blog!

    • Reply
      November 13, 2016 at 11:44 pm

      Thanks for the compliment.I am blushing…..?
      Yes oh! It is only God that cannot disappoint… .
      Spiritual leaders can disappoint. In all we have to be careful not to let that disappointment get us so down and depressed that we lose our faith.
      A lot of people left the Catholic Church over the pedophile scandal that happened years back…It is not worth it to lose your faith over human beings. What if they repent and make heaven, yet one carries it on top head like gala seller, loses his faith and misses heaven.

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    January 17, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    Just what I need right now,I had to change church cos my Pastor and spiritual father kind of ……….and even after leaving the church I still feel bitter cos his mistakes have caused me too much…….thank you for this piece,..

    • Reply
      January 17, 2017 at 5:42 pm

      Thank you so much dear for your kind words.
      I am really sorry about what happened. I know it’s hard but you have to try to forgive and move on.Okay. Get some counseling, pray about it, talk to someone non judgmental or write about it ( you don’t have to publish it or show someone else) to get some closure. I know it can make you really angry when you remember but lean on Christ for the grace to forgive and let go.
      No matter what the mistakes have cost you physically or mentally, know that With God nothing is impossible. He is capable of wiping away your tears.

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